From reading thousands of comments and emails, and talking to readers, family, and friends, I've learned that there is something very central to how we construct our beliefs -- our perception of our capabilities.
Limiting beliefs, like thinking that you can't, won't, mustn't, shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't be or do something is based on what you perceive your capabilities to be, and further limits your perception of your capabilities and drags down your self-image. And you act accordingly by making choices limited to your perceived capability, which translates to limited experiences and generating limited results that reflect the limitations that you've imposed upon yourself.
For example, if you believe all relationships fail, what you're really saying is that you don't believe that you could be in a lasting relationship.
You project your perception of your capabilities, which form part of your self-image, which also creeps into your beliefs and your expectations of others. A person who believes that all relationships fail uses 'supporting evidence' to back this belief up. And how would this person act if he or she finds herself or himself in a potentially stable relationship? The person becomes primed and ready for it to go belly up and unconsciously and consciously looks for evidence to reinforce the idea that he or she is capable of maintaining a healthy relationship. They expect the person to live up to this belief and what makes this easier is on some level, they end up choosing partners that are most likely to cater to this pattern.
Thinking we're incapable of something doesn't make it the truth. We all have occasions in our lives where we've said, "I can't do this!" or "It's impossible!", and then it turns out that we can. We often ignore this information. I myself have claimed that I would never be able to get over pretty much each and every one of my exes, and that it was too hard to do 'No Contact' and all the other things that go with a breakup. My beliefs then turned out to be untrue.
How we feel and think in a moment doesn't always reflect the bigger picture.
Each belief you have is tied to other beliefs that you hold, and they all feed into each other, either complimenting or undermining and limiting. The more you tell yourself that you're not this and you can't do that, the more that you channel superpowers that you don't possess -- the ability to mind bend people-and influence and control their feelings and behavior by being pleasing or even forceful, the more you cripple your confidence, worth, and value.
Understanding, re-evaluating, and re-positioning your belief system involves gaining a more accurate sense of self.
Are you all of the things you say about yourself?
You think it's fair and reasonable to base your self-image on an outdated view of yourself without taking into account what you've done since then? Isn't it unfair to think that you cannot change or evolve?
A great litmus test for whether you have an inaccurate self-image, is to think about the way you respond to compliments and basically anything that isn't in-line with your beliefs? Do you say thanks to a compliment or are you mistrustful of it and knock it back? Or are you comfortable with just hearing or seeing something that supports your mindset?
Until you have full understanding of what your beliefs are, you will remain unconscious, which means you will act in ways that are not in-line with your values, your personal beliefs on makes you feel a whole range of emotions, and your true likes and dislikes. You will do things that undermine your efforts, relationships, and happiness. You will limit yourself, claiming that external forces beyond your control that are what's limiting you.
Where do you limit yourself?
Try to come up with 2-3 examples of when you believed that you wouldn't be able to do something and yet you did. Think about the negative things that you claim about you-- can you think of an example in your life that contradicts this? For instance, one reader called herself "weak." But when she told me about the various things that she'd done in the last six months alone, it became clear that her self-image did not reflect the reality of how strong she truly is.
Food for the thought: Are you forgetting to internalize your accomplishments and achievements?
By Sue J Storey
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